Bahiyyih has passed me the baton of listing ten things I like about myself.
I'm reluctant to write such a list; historically, I think I have a rather pessimistic self-view. But maybe that's out of laziness -- going on the assumption that if I emphasize my bad qualities, I'm less likely to get in trouble when I mess up. That's classic procrastination behavior, I've learned. That is, if you emphasize your bad qualities, you lower other people's expectations of you, thus making your life easier. Often confused with humility?
So if I say something I like about myself, I run the risk of messing it up later when people expect it of me. I'll have to stick with the intrinsics, then, which I can really count on, rather than the ten things I want to be true that I could then like about myself.
Anyway, I don't think I'll come up with ten right off the bat, but I can at least think of one right now, and I'll keep working on them.
1. I tend to remember the good parts of past events and forget the bad.
I, erm, have a tendency to see the past through rose-colored glasses. That's not necessarily always pleasing to the people around me, but that wasn't the criterion for this list, hmm? It's something that I like, though, because it helps me not dwell on the past, and even feel good about it.
On the other hand, it's not something I do universally. I've got a few good argh, why did I have to say that to so-and-so; now they'll think I'm an idiot/have their feelings hurt/be scarred forever! moments in my closet. But lately, when I remember one of these that is long past amends, I have tried to say a few Removers of Difficulties and entrust the rest to life's capacity for renewal and healing.
What made me realize I have this tendency to remember the good parts of past events was remembering Bahiyyih's and my wedding. The two of us were talking about it a year or two ago, and I realized that Bahiyyih was feeling miserable about it and I was relatively happy. She would mention something unpleasant about it, and it would take some time for me to remember that bit, but when I thought about it, I would generally remember something that I had liked. "The sound system that Michael Moutrie set up really worked out, didn't it?" We didn't disagree on any of the particulars, but almost all of the bad parts I had dismissed as not really important, and instead I'd held onto the good parts.
Now it may also just be that Bahiyyih and I have different taste in events; for example, I think she liked the reception that we had three months later a lot more than the wedding. And come to think of it I didn't much enjoy that reception. Too much dancing and extended periods of being demonstrably happy. It was pretty tiring! Then again, I don't remember the reception that often; I prefer to think about the wedding :)
Now, admittedly, this tendency to remember the good parts and forget the bad parts sometimes means I require a few trips to the classroom before I learn my lessons, but somehow I still like it.
